It's Time

Day in and day out is the same.
But lately I've been needing something different.
Happy but stagnant,
leaves me only pleased with life
but partially unfulfilled.
And right now, fulfillment is crucial.
There are those that care,
those that don't know to care
and
those that just never really cared enough to care.
That is where I stand.
I care,
but sometimes
I don't know to care
and
even then,
sometimes I just don't care enough to care
and I think...
"You know, this is just me, this is Olivia"

When I know that I can do better.
What I really have come to wonder is how do I know what to love in my future, when I don't know what it is I loved in my past, or what it is I love in my present.
The surprise comes in compromise because no one knows life without some form of sacrifice.
So what to learn from it all?
1. Be understanding of individuals. You wake up each day with your own trials, your own errors, your own dreams, ambitions and desires. Remember that every body else does too.
2. Be careful of the things you say. Someone, somewhere may be listening, and you may hurt them. A laugh from a joke isn't worth the tears that could come from that same joke.

3. Strive to be better everyday. Prepare yourself for the day to day, but don't forget that your day to day eventually leads to your future. If you aren't heading in a direction of what you want to do and make no change, then your future lies in your present.


And remember, when all you get is the grind,
chin up, better days are on their way.

Some People

Some people just never learn
Today I am "some people"

I should know by now
Things aren't always as they seem
They are usually very different
If time goes on and progression is lacking
Just forget about it
Because somethings never change
Some people never change

I've been taught to let things happen
Roll with the punches
Go with the flow
But today I'd rather not
Today I would rather be making things happen
Throwing the punches
Creating the flow

Oh, Some people never change
I never change
I guess this will never change

All The Same.

I just keep writing and erasing.

Writing and erasing.

Over time everything kind of ties into one memory.

One drawn out, careless memory.

A memory it is.

Careless it was.

Had there not been that mistake

Here I thought I knew it all,
but I had more to expect.
The words left out were what I needed,
but they were words
I should have learned to forget.
Cause when I see the lovely eyes
and
stare into that smile,
I have to remember why I'm here,
at least for a while.
It's easy to think about the happy times,
the sad times and all our exposed fears.
But I've been riding on the thought
that what I remember
isn't what is here.

So when do we let go?
No, not let go and forget,
but let go of the time
we spent thinking on regrets.

Cause each morning I wake
thinking what it'd be like,
had there not been that mistake.

A year goes by.

Well it's been a while since I told you how I feel
and I know that time can change what we think is real

But I know that I wont follow where you go.
I notice the leaves are changing
and winters coming slow.

Well it's been a while since I saw you really smile
and it's been some time since I felt so agile

But I know that I wont follow where you go.
I notice the leaves are changing
and winters coming slow.

Well it's been a while since you and I both spoke
and I know that in the end you and I both choked.

But I see the leaves, they're slowly turning green,
though coming back to color they are still weak.
And the leaves start to fall,
and you never call.

But I know that I wont follow where you go
and I notice the leaves are changing
and winters coming slow.

Love can.

Over a year ago I ventured into a thought that changed the way I saw things.
That thought was this...

You know the moment when you finally realize that what you have thought all along was in fact false? Me too. I have spent my entire life thinking that once love comes, that is it, and there is never anything better. But I have been wrong all along, there is something better. Love is great, love is fun and love is happy, but love changes and love grows. Although it seems scary, there is never anything better. And that is when you find there is something better than simply finding love. It is when you realize that your love gets bigger and stronger every day. It's like you gave your love muscle milk and a gym pass. It's when you realize that you have just fallen even more in love than you ever thought possible.. again. Tonight I fell in love, again. Over and over. I knew I loved before, but I got reassurance and somehow this tremendous love I have... grew. Call me crazy, call me strange, but there is no un-cliche way to say I love you.

(Written November 13, 2009 but for some reason I never actually posted it... I stumbled across it this evening.)

That thought did change me. It has reminded me through good times and bad times that love is real. It has shown me, by experience, that love can heal a broken heart.

I have no doubt.
Love can.

I don't say much anymore

Not because I don't have much to say
Just because not enough is said in return
And though I like to be open and real
Reality is enough this time

You can't continue to care like you always have
When the care is never retraced
And you can't keep reminding that once
Yes once
It was worth the effort
While you are reminded every day
That your worth is not enough

Well maybe I should have something to say.
Something like...

You are losing it all because you are letting this go. Even with the hard times and the task at hand, this is what you chose. You could have held on and kept hope but you let it go. I can't repeat myself enough, YOU LET THIS GO. I was here, you know I have been here, but now it has been too long. And the "closer" it gets, the further we fall apart. I know there is reason I don't hear your voice anymore. The exact reason remains undisclosed, but in time I always know. I try to forgive and I try to forget, but you cannot forget your everyday just like I cannot forget mine. Even still, I can't tell you enough how much I'm missing you here.

...I suppose there is no good in having something to say,
so I won't say much anymore.