When I have no where else, I turn here. I am not alone at mind, but alone at heart. I truly never thought I would be here, but here I am. Watching people pass by seems to be working for me. An unhappy way of showing that I no longer care. I want everything that I have ever needed in one small package. I had that. And here we go. Days went by with constant smiles and laughter, like never before, but something changed. In my eyes those days were long and lovely, my eyes have been closed. I suppose I should have noticed, but who did, I dare to bet no one saw something missing. I've been crept upon and taken control of, changed inside and out. It's not easy to reverse whats been done, also not easy to just let it all slip by. Though it does. Everyday it slips further and further while I grow closer to where I maybe should focus a bit more. Some days I feel that maybe I can salvage whats left, like in some sort of catastrophe, but often whats left doesn't compare and can never be the same... Easier just to start fresh. I have never been so scared. This time I am not just losing something small, something replaceable, this time I am losing my world.
In the tiniest nutshell, this is what I've become.
Sadly this is no longer me.
2 comments:
Olivia darling, if this were the back of a book I would buy and read this book. Have you ever considered writing? Turning the things that have happened to you into a story?
Sometimes you just wonder why... what's to be gained from this, what's the purpose... I'm sorry for your heart. Though pains are so strikingly personal and different, I feel the echoes from yours and I hope for the swiftest of resolutions and the deepest of peace. I don't doubt you'll find your way. You're a pretty special person. You're type always carry on
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