A Constant Circle

Some days I see a little tinsy bit of crazy in me.
Today I fueled the fire of my emotional melt down.
Yes, I successfully tossed myself into a rolling mess of flames.
Why do I dream the dreams I do?
(Maybe the engagement is just a reminder that something is out of my reach)
(Something tends to be you)
I am reminded too often that this long lasting disaster is not ending.
Or at least it is not ending how I would like it to.
Eventually it will end.
With or without me and most definitely with or without you.
I used to think it would always be with.
I no longer have a thought that stays the same about it.
Nights like tonight when I say good-bye
with the deepest pit in my stomach,
turn the car on and over my speakers come the powerful words
"Just walk away, I know it hurts".
A song I wouldn't even know if it weren't for the one I good-bye-d in the first place.
Oh how irony fills this silly little life I lead.
It is the most consistent thing in my life
besides this constant circle I keep running in.

I am starting to learn why I lose.
Because no matter what I do,
in the end I can't deny the truth.
You say "I don't know if this is worth it"
and I say


I am an open book, a well lit fire, dangerously running around in circles.